She Doesn't Know Who I Am
by tidesandtrees
Summary: Ben Solo is a broody record shop employee who just wants to lay low until graduation. Rey is relentless and determined to break down his loner facade little by little, day by day. Featuring brooding, self-esteem issues, witty banter, and Poe as Ben's unofficial BFF.
1. Chapter 1

_SLAM._ Ben's hand came down hard on his alarm clock and knocked it onto the floor. "Fuuuuuuuck." He threw his legs over the side of his bed one at a time and bent down to pick up the object of his frustration.

5:00 AM stared back at him in angry red as he took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his mop of hair. When Ben was given more shifts at work, he was appreciative, even with the realization that it would affect the rest of his schedule. He knew that meant his daily runs after school would need to become morning runs. But at this moment, he debated whether the euphoria of routine and the fuller bank account was worth the bloodshot feeling behind his eyes.

Ben forced himself to his feet and shuffled his way out to the living room, picking up a stray hoodie and his sneakers along the way. Now if only he could find his iPod. Ben looked around and saw it tucked into the couch cushions. He took a seat and wished aloud, "Please be charged, please be charged". After seeing a half-full icon in the upper corner, Ben threw it into his pocket and continued getting ready.

His eyes darted between his bathroom and the kitchen area. He knew he should brush his teeth, or at least wash his face - but ultimately decided the effort wasn't worth it. Instead, he traveled the few long strides it took from couch to fridge and reached in. A carton of orange juice hid in the back corner and he pulled it out to search for an expiration date. October 20th. "Ehh, a week won't kill me." Still hesitant, he unscrewed the top and cautiously smelled the beverage. "Fuck it." He shrugged and raised the carton to his face for a few swigs.

Ben opened the door and took a final glance back into his apartment. He quickly locked up before he lost his nerve and headed down the stairs to begin his run into the cold.

The sky was still dark, but Ben liked it better this way. All his life, Ben had struggled to be seen by those around him. Eventually, he gave up and found it easier to blend in with the silence. Longing for connections meant holding out hope, and hope was something he could no longer afford to keep losing. _Let the past die, Ben._ He picked up his pace as memories and heartbreak threatened to fill his mind. Soon, he ran fast enough to avoid focusing on anything but the pounding of his heart against his chest and the harsh air filling his lungs.

An hour later, Ben returned back to his place. He quickly hopped into the shower to rinse off the physical evidence of his own personal form of meditation. Dressing for school, Ben pulled on a black thermal and black jeans, the first things he found in a pile covering the chair beside his closet. He followed up with his trusty black Doc Martens. Even if he had tried to actively put a look together, it wasn't likely his outfit would have looked much different. Ben didn't care about appearances and he just really, really, liked black. It was simple, understated, and lent itself well to his introverted nature.

After throwing his used cereal bowl into the sink, now clear of his routine meal of Corn Flakes, Ben grabbed his backpack and began the 2-mile walk to school. Most other teens would have likely taken the bus or called a friend for a ride. But Ben's long legs helped make the walk seem shorter than it actually was - and he certainly didn't have any friends to call.

About ten minutes into his walk, he saw a flashy white Hummer waiting outside a small single-family home. He immediately recognized it as belonging to Finn, another senior at his school and a grade-A, free-range, grass-fed, dick.

He paused his iPod and slowed his walking, wondering what Finn was doing on this side of town. Ben had been walking this route for over a year now but had never seen his boisterous classmate here before. He got his answer when he saw a brunette rush out of the house, bag still unzipped and threatening to spill its contents all over the sidewalk.

"Shit, I'm sooo sorry, Finn! Electric bill wasn't paid. Again. So took me a while longer to get ready."

Ben's ears tuned into the girl's accent right away and he paused to stand and study the stranger. He quickly realized that she must be the new transfer student from England. Earlier in the school year, he had overheard the school receptionist and one of the counselors deep in conversation about the girl from England who was now living with Unkar Plutt, the town's resident drunk and apparently, her distant uncle. However, this was the first time he had seen her or heard the girl speak. It was easy to avoid meeting new people when you were Ben and avoided any socialization that wasn't absolutely mandatory.

He took in her soft features, messy bun, and athletic build. Her style was definitely unique, with a flowy, white tank top half-tucked into high-waisted, olive, cargo pants. A cream cardigan was draped over her bag, and he wondered how she wasn't freezing. A small smile reached his lips when his eyes finally reached her shoes. She was wearing brown Docs that matched his in every way but color.

"Yeah, alright. But get in will you? I don't wanna have to fight any asshole juniors who think they can take my parking spot."

"Excuse you. I happen to be a junior. And I'd argue that some might consider you the asshole in that situation, given that the school doesn't have any assigned parking."

Oh, if her outward appearance hadn't already piqued Ben's interest, her feisty personality sure did. He took one last glance at her before resuming his walk. Getting caught staring by Finn and this mystery girl was not a confrontation he wanted to take on.

* * *

It was 3:52 PM as Ben dropped his backpack onto the metal shelving unit in the employee lounge of Resistance Records, the record shop he'd been working at for the past four months. He considered pouring himself a quick cup of coffee but opted for a Diet Coke once he saw the burner was no longer on. Nothing he hated more than stale coffee. He still had about five minutes until his shift started, but walked over to the front counter anyway. It's not like he had anything to do in the short amount of time. There certainly wasn't anyone trying to talk to him or make plans for later. Maybe a stray text from his mom to say she missed him, but in that case - it was even more excuse to start work earlier.

Ben enjoyed working at the record shop. He found that most of the people who wandered in were hardcore fans of music just like him. And by that, it meant that these people actually preferred he leave them alone to browse in peace - which coincidentally matched up with Ben's deepest desire to avoid as much customer interaction as possible. Save for the minute of transactional exchange whenever someone made a purchase, Ben was free to enjoy solitude up at the counter. Most days, he could get away with sorting and pricing the incoming shipments and recently purchased used vinyls without speaking for more than 30 minutes total. He was grateful to his boss for the position, knowing he could never last a day in a regular retail job like the movies or supermarket.

So far, his shift had gone by fairly status quo. His co-worker and manager Poe had excitedly pointed to a wall full of milk crates when he got in, explaining how this guy had passed away and his nephew came by to sell a garage worth of old records. "He said he would take $50 flat because he had to catch a flight back to New York and was over the hassle of cleaning out his uncle's garage. $50 bucks, Ben. You believe that shit?"

"Pretty fucking cool, Poe. You mind if I get first dibs on looking through it? Or at least test them out on the store's stereo system?"

"Yeah, Bro. Take whatever you like! Dead guy's nephew's loss is our gain!"

Poe was only a few years older than Ben but ran the shop since his dad, Ben's actual boss and owner of Resistance Records was always traveling. While Ben was the quiet, moody, fixture in the store, Poe was the confident and assured people person. Ben wouldn't necessarily classify them as friends, but he liked that Poe never had any expectations of Ben to be anything but himself.

Ben pulled a crate off the top of its tower and walked over to the counter. He felt like a kid in a candy store and was excited to begin digging through.

The small bell rang over the front door and Ben sighed. Hopefully, it was just the mail.

He looked up and froze. It was the girl from this morning. The spunky girl that was hanging out with Finn.

She looked right at him and smiled, greeting him with a simple "Hi".

Ben smiled back, or at least hoped he had. In all honesty, he was a little out of practice.

"Um, bag," he sputtered, clearing his throat.

"Sorry?" the girl questioned.

"Your, uh, bag. I need to check it in." He turned to look at the sign behind the counter to break the awkwardness of staring at her for too long.

"Oh right! I'm sorry. I - I've never been here. I'm new to town. "

"Yeah that's alright," he said as he dropped a plastic number on the counter and waited for her to do the same with her bag. _That would've been the perfect opportunity to ask her about why and when she moved here, dumbass._ Ben ignored his conscience and attempted to burn a hole through the number he had just placed down.

Her smile was smaller this time as she exchanged the number for her bag and began her slow browsing of the store.

The next thirty minutes were excruciating for Ben. Every turn of her head, small exclamation of excitement, and intake of breath triggered a response of his own. He cursed his internal systems for suddenly setting themselves to a frequency that only she occupied. What had he done to deserve this? Despite many attempts at ignoring the girl and getting back to his business, the milk crate still sat in front of him and a box of new releases remained untagged.

When she finally walked up to the counter with an impressive stack of records, Ben was all too happy to know this awkward encounter was coming to a close. So happy that he heard himself ask, "So, do you actually like records or are you just doing it for the hipster credit?"

_Shit. That was a dick move._

The girl didn't seem shaken though. "I love anything that provides a good hunt. Digging through records, thrifting for clothes. I consider myself a bit of a scavenger."

"A scavenger. That's... different. You still didn't answer the question though - do you actually enjoy it or are you secretly a hipster?"

"Well...let's see. Do you just really hate your job or is the judginess a natural character flaw?"

_Ouch. And THIS is why he didn't talk to people._

Ben was struck silent, so she continued on.

"Sorry. Yes, I actually enjoy scavenging. No, I don't consider myself a hipster. I think foster kid is probably a better term for it all. As in, really good at getting on in situations that others can't. And also, being constantly on the defensive." She gestured to the space between them before adding, "Obviously."

"I'm... I'm sorry. To be transparent, I don't normally talk to anyone for this long. I'm used to being judged by pretty much everyone. And even those that are nice enough to try usually sense my lack of conversation skills and leave pretty quickly."

"REY. LET'S GOOOOO." Finn popped his head into the shop and looked from the girl to Ben and back. "God it smells like old shit in here. I'm gonna wait outside. You better not get any dust in my car, Rey!"

"Ahh, well that's my ride. I've gotta go. And from the sounds of it, I better not buy these. I know it's a lot to ask, but any chance you could hold onto them for me? Just for one day? I swear I'll come back tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's fine. Not that you have much competition here," noting the empty store.

"I appreciate you being so chilled about it. Oh, and - uh, what's your name?"

"Ben."

"Quick tip, Ben. Why don't you let everyone decide for themselves whether or not they want to stick around and talk to you? Some conversations are like records - not meant for mass appeal, but so worth the extra digging. Cheers."

Rey ran out and Ben let out a breath that had been caught in his throat from the moment she walked in.

_What the hell had just happened?_

_**A/N: Pumped this puppy out overnight after stopping in to my favorite record shop yesterday. Love it? Hate it? Let me know your thoughts. Who's got two thumbs and hasn't written in a minute (or like...10 years) and is just happy to be getting back into the groove of things? This gal. So please feed my insecurities with words of...actually, any words will do. I'm easy.**_


	2. Chapter 2

After meeting - Rey, was it? - he finished his shift in a daze. A few more customers came in, but he paid them little attention. The majority of his thoughts involved a replay of every gleam of her eye and every stupid thing he had said.

He kept walking by the stack of vinyls she had asked him to hold onto. Besides Lana Del Rey's _Video Games_ that sat on top, he had no idea what other music she listened to. He was tempted to look at her choices, to know more about her. But the longer he avoided peeking at the stack, the more he felt like doing so would make him some kind of a voyeur.

_You would've seen them if you had rung her out_, he thought. _She might not even come back. What do you have to lose?_

He decided against it, figuring that it would be a great topic of conversation if she did, in fact, return the next day. And if not, then he would put them back where they belonged - and at that point, it wouldn't matter what she liked.

* * *

The next day at school was even more painful than usual. Ben was a classic "underachiever in an overachiever's body" according to his parents. It meant he was inherently intelligent but had zero interest in broadcasting it. He was the get-1500-on-your-SAT score without ever turning in homework type of smart. The kid teachers expected to bust when he left his headphones in. Of course, they'd soon find themselves nodding in agreement with his insightful responses.

Naturally, this made school quite boring for him. Before, he went because it was a great way to escape his parents and their fighting. Now, he went simply because he didn't have much else to do. That - and how close he was to graduation. Call it spite, but Ben didn't want his parents to have another failure to rub in his face.

Most school days normally played like a movie montage for Ben. He wore his headphones like armor as he walked down the hallways in a fog. His aim was always to get from point A to B without any human contact.

But, today was different. He still had Cold War Kids drowning out the nails-on-a-chalkboard discord of his peers. Yet his eyes scanned the halls for something.

That was a lie.

He was actively scanning for her. In his head, he knew it was unlikely that he would bump into her now. Months of school had passed and he had only met her yesterday. But still, he silently hoped for the opportunity to see her again. Even if only to ask her if she would be swinging by his work that afternoon.

With each passing period, he became more discouraged. By lunchtime, he had given up hope. His disappointment ruined his appetite, and he decided to go for a run around the track to clear his mind. Usually, he hated running the track. In comparison to his morning runs out in nature, the monotony killed him. Yet it beat watching the minutes drag by inside the library, his normal hideout.

On his final lap, he caught a glimpse of white with bouncy brown hair. He swallowed and jogged toward her direction. _You can do this, Ben. She practically invited you to talk to her yesterday._

He stopped in his tracks when he saw Finn trailing behind her. It was a bad idea from the start, but Finn's presence only reinforced Ben's insecurities. With a shake of his head, he headed back to the track with new weight in his step.

* * *

"Hey, man! What's new?" Poe greeted Ben with a smile as he walked through the door that afternoon.

"Can't say much of anything. Not that that's bad," he shrugged.

Poe placed a hand on Ben's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Look, I gotta ask you a favor, Ben."

"Uh...sure?" Ben didn't know why Poe bothered to ask. He was the boss. Ben was the employee. He was almost positive that he didn't really have the option to say no - no matter what came out of Poe's mouth next.

"I gotta leave you up here by yourself today. My dad called and said he's got a collector friend coming by to look at his personal collection later this week. Only problem is, I have no idea where I put his personal collection. I'm gonna need to be down in the basement the rest of the day now that you're here."

Ben found it funny that Poe seemed so worried. He left Ben by himself almost all the time whenever he went down the street to talk to his mechanic friends. Still, Ben knew better than to talk back to his boss, no matter how cool he was.

"Yeah, that's fine. Or...if you want - I can look for your dad's collection?" No matter how low-key the shop was, the solitude of the basement was even more alluring to Ben.

"You'd do that? It's pretty messy down there…"

"I really wouldn't mind." To Ben, getting paid to be by himself was the greatest shift he could ask for.

"Doesn't get better than you, Ben!" Poe thanked him with a light punch to the arm.

* * *

Ben had just finished clearing a path to the light switch. It wasn't an easy feat since he had to use the flashlight from his phone to help him see what he was moving in the first place. He sighed with content when he heard the crackling of the fluorescent tubes.

"BEN!"

Poe's voice carried down the stairway.

He didn't know how many times he had to tell him that he didn't mind working in the basement. "YEAH!?"

"COME UPSTAIRS!"

Ben grumbled. In all his time working there, there was never once a reason for Poe to carry on a shouting match with him. What was so important now?

"NOOOOOOW BENJAMINNNN!" Poe practically sang.

If it were anyone else, he would've been annoyed. His legal name was just Ben, in honor of one of his parents' friends. He was definitely NOT a Benjamin.

He raced up the stairs, easily skipping one at a time.

"Where's the fire, Poe?"

"Benjamin, huh?" He turned to see Rey smirking at him. She stood there in a white crop top and ripped khakis. Wasn't this girl ever cold?

"Just Ben," he muttered under his breath. He suddenly became conscious of how sweaty he had become when cleaning downstairs. He wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his black flannel.

"This lovely customer said you were helping her yesterday. I said it couldn't have been you since you never help anyone..." Poe joked. "But - she knew you by name AND described the employee as cute but broody so...I guess it really was you."

Both Ben and Rey's eyes widened. Ben's in shock and Rey's in horror.

"Oh was that last part classified, princess? My mistake." Poe excused himself for a smoke break, which earned him a death glare from Ben. _You don't smoke!_ his eyes seemed to say.

Ben heard him exit through the back, but still hesitated to turn his attention back to Rey.

"I came back for my records," she started.

"Uh, yeah. Of course. I'll grab them for you." Ben went behind the counter to grab the items he'd been carefully avoiding.

He placed them down softly and tapped the counter twice. "Here you go. Did you need to look through them again before I ring you out?"

"No. Once I make up my mind about wanting something, I'm pretty set on it."

If Ben didn't know any better, he might have thought that Rey was flirting with him. But he did know. Knew that girls like Rey were not interested in guys like him. Plus, she had Finn, who Ben was almost sure was her boyfriend.

He reached to grab the first record in her pile when he felt her fingers brush his. He dropped his hand like it was on fire. She placed the record back down on top of the others.

"I'm actually going to take another look around the place." She turned and headed for the back wall. "I was in a rush yesterday," she continued.

Ben quickly recalled how on edge he was with her there during his last shift. If that was her in a rush, there was no way he'd make it out of this encounter alive. Not without embarrassing himself. Not without knowing how long she intended to spend in the shop today.

He took out his phone to text Poe.

_Where are you? You don't even smoke._

_I'm just down the street._

_Can you come back? I really need to get back to finding your dad's stuff in the basement._

_What you really need to do is talk to that girl._

_I thought you liked me, Poe. You know I don't "talk". To anyone. Especially not to her._

_Ok, then don't. Just stare at her while you pretend to do work. Seemed to work for you yesterday._

_Were you spying on me?_

_It's called MANAGING, Ben. See you later. I'll be back to close._

_Fine._

When Ben looked up, Rey was back at the counter, adding another vinyl to her stack.

"_You_ listen to Iron Maiden?" he noticed.

"What kind of English girl would I be if I didn't?" She responded with a smile. The playful look in her eye from yesterday was back.

"A little predictable, I guess -"

"You monster!" she exclaimed.

"- but...commendable," he finished.

"Oh. Well, thank you."

She returned to her perusal of the shop and Ben began to thumb through her choices. Besides Lana Del Rey and now, Iron Maiden, she had quite the mix. Ariana Grande. The 1975. A Day to Remember. J Dilla. Bloc Party. The Animals. Leonard Cohen and Gary Clark, Jr. She wasn't like the high school girls that usually came into the shop. Most went straight to the top 10 wall and pulled down any given shrink-wrapped album. For them, the goal wasn't the music, but a staged photo to post to their social media accounts.

"I see you're judging me again," she called out.

"Honestly... I'm uh...impressed. You pass."

"Pass what exactly? Your litmus test of cool? I hope I get a trophy for it. Or at least a blue ribbon?"

"How about a Resistance Records sticker?"

"Aren't those free?"

"Well yeah...but you can have two."

"Lucky me. So hey, I've got a question for you."

This was never a good sign. He felt his body go into fight or flight mode and reached for his can of root beer. He took a slow sip.

Without acknowledgment, she continued. "Why do you work here?"

"I like it here. I like the access to music. I like how quiet it is. I like that no one, except for you, talks to me too much."

"Ha. Ha. No, I meant more like... Why do you work at all? Finn said your family is rich. Like...super-rich. Is this is a rebellion thing? A punishment?"

_Why was Finn talking to her about him? He wasn't a topic of discussion for the populars. He was Ben Solo. He flew under the radar._

"Not that it's Finn's business, but yeah...my family is rich."

"Ok…"

"But I'm not," he clarified.

"Well, that doesn't make sense," she pushed.

"I don't talk to my parents. Haven't in almost a year."

"Oh, shit, I'm so sorry." She let out a low whistle. "That was pretty rude of me then."

"It's fine."

"So…" she started. Her eyes searched for anything to fill the silence.

He matched her discomfort. "So…"

"Can I help you with that?" She pointed to the milk crate he had been sorting while she was browsing. "I feel really bad now and it's the least I can do."

No one had come into the shop for the past hour, and he was sure Poe wouldn't mind the free labor.

"Sure. Right now I'm just sorting by genre. Then I'll alphabetize the genres by the artist."

"How about I alphabetize what you've already sorted? I get the feeling you're a stickler about genres."

Ben found himself laughing. It was a foreign sound, but it wasn't uncomfortable. "You're probably right."

The next couple of hours flew by. They worked through the crates in comfortable near-silence. She talked without limit and he listened. They found out that they lived near each other. Skated around discussing their pasts and childhood scars. It was like working with Poe, but Ben acknowledged that he liked listening to her much more.

A bell alarmed them both.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," Poe suggested with a wink.

Ben was on one side of the counter and Rey was all the way across the room. It was clear there was nothing to interrupt, but both looked guilty nonetheless.

"Thanks for watching the shop, Ben. I can close up. You go home."

"Are you sure?" Ben didn't hate closing, but it was tedious by nature.

"Yeah. Go before I change my mind."

"Thanks, Poe." Ben left to grab his things from the employee lounge.

Rey stood there awkwardly. Poe smiled as if he had a secret and raised his eyebrows. "Ben."

Her voice raised in confusion. "Ben?"

Poe smiled again. "Ben."

Rey grabbed her bag of vinyls off the counter when she saw Ben return to the floor area. She smiled, happy to be heading out. The conversation with Poe was odd, to say the least. Ben grabbed her school bag from the customer cubbies and handed it to her. "See you tomorrow, Poe," Ben said with a small nod.

"Bye. Nice shop you've got," Rey offered up.

"Bye, princess."

"Yeah. Don't call me that."

Poe chuckled and Ben grinned as he followed her out the door.

"Will I see you at school tomorrow?" she asked.

"How do you know I go to school with you?"

"Finn," she shrugged, not at all embarrassed like he knew he might be if caught in the same situation. "I may have asked him about the rude record shop boy yesterday."

The thought of her asking about him gave Ben a small boost of confidence. "I bet your boyfriend enjoyed that."

"Boyfriend? Hardly," she scoffed. "I suppose courtship might be a more proper title if anything."

"Well, he's a bit of a dick."

"Eh. You're not wrong. But what do you care, Ben?" she teased.

He flushed, and confident Ben retreated. "I uh, just thought that as a patron of the shop I work at, you...you should know."

"Huh. I appreciate it. I can look after myself, though."

A gust of wind reminded them that they should be on their way. Rey turned to Ben. "Walk me home?"

"I thought you said you could look after yourself."

"I can. But who's gonna look after you?"


End file.
